Hello friends! How is your Thursday going so far? Mine is going great because I am in Denver. I arrived late last night and as soon as I press publish, our exploration of the Centennial State begins!
On a not so fun note, today’s post topic revolves something my husband and I have been dealing with for over a year now. Infertility.
(This is a picture of actual artwork hanging in my fertility doctor’s office…fitting?)
IRL I am a very private person and only open up to my family and close friends. At times, it is even hard for me to do that. I haven’t discussed my infertility struggle/journey on AEH yet but I plan to dive in more the future.
The reason I haven’t is because often times when I start talking, writing and even thinking about it, I get choked up and have to pull myself together.
I’m still working on accepting my life in the stage that it is in. At this point, I thought I would already have a child. I thought SL and I would be happily raising a little baby and thinking about when to give that little baby a sibling. I also thought we would have a dog.
None of that is happening right now and I feel like a am traveling down a path and there is a parallel path right next to my path and I can see it and it has all of the elements I thought I would have but I just can’t get over to that path.
Over the past 6 months, I’ve been poked and prodded dozens of times. EVERY.SINGLE.EFFING test has come back normal. For myself and for SL. Normal. Yet, my period kept coming every 25-28 days like clock work. It’s been heartbreaking.
This month, we started our first IUI cycle. I’m excited and terrified all at once.
Dealing with my health issues…
Despite our challenges, I still had to function as a normal human being each and every day. Figuring out what makes me feel best mentally, emotionally and physically is important.
Staying mentally healthy through this journey has been tough. Googling all things infertility hasn’t helped. Knowing that there is nothing wrong with my body but not knowing why we can’t get pregnant is a mind fuck. I should probably talk to a therapist. Note to self: do that.
Emotional health has been a struggle too. but talking and writing about it helps. I find that the more I talk about it, the more I find people coming out of the woodwork that have similar struggles. I know I am not alone in this but sometimes, I still think I am.
Staying physically healthy is the easiest for me because I love working out. Running, Orangetheory, cycle classes and yoga are my favorite workouts right now.
My mantra for 2017 is “I can do hard things.” This is by far one of, if not the, hardest thing I’ve dealt with in my 32 years. When you think your life is going to end up one way and it takes an unexpected turn, shit gets hard. Really hard.
But I can do hard things.
Thank you Amanda for hosting Thinking Out Loud.